I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
