never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
