i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Enjoy the penises
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
