well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
