My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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