I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
