Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
