I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
