just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
