i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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