Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
