I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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