Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
