I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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