apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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