Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
