He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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