She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
