we're chasing vodka with high fives
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
