I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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