woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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