I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
