dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
