I'd wear matching sweaters with you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
