i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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