Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
