He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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