I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
