I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
