I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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