There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
