hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
