we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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