just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
