that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
