fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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