Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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