i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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