But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
