the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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