you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
