Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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