moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
