He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
