People with herpes should wear stickers.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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