SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
