With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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