fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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