Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
