once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
