End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
