My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
