You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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